Waffle Wednesday

Momentous Events

Momentous Events

By Liesl Garner

 

There are moments carved out

of our lives that will stand

forever after as a testament

to the power of the human spirit.

 

Moments that would break us;

that should through regular Addition,

through whatever Natural Sciences

can prove – be more than we could handle.

 

And yet – these are the moments

we look back on – we remember

exactly what was going on,

down to the minute details,

the smell in the air, the way

the light hit the buildings,

where we stood, who we clung to

in that moment. And though our knees

may have buckled from the crush

of the weight of that moment, though

our tears burst from us in disbelief…

 

It is the moment after that captures

our essense – the moment, even in the midst

of shock and despair, that we chose

with resolve not to shatter – the moment

we reached for the strength hiding

behind our fractured heart

and Called it Out and made it through

somehow. And here we are today,

forever altered, more willing to admit

our dependence on each other,

more aware of our frailty, our deep need,

more able to see when someone close by

is falling – more eager to lend a hand,

 

Stronger than we

had any idea

we could be!

 

© September 18, 2009

 

Photo from here

 

 

This is a GREAT START – for the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce

September 2009 Member Meeting

 

Our guest speakers have written a book called “Healing the Hero’s Heart” about working with the rescue workers after 9/11

 

GREAT END

 

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!
Maya Angelou

"Back Pocket"

Back Pocket

For Grandma Arensmeier,

By Liesl Arensmeier Garner

Tim Arensmeier’s second daughter

 

What exactly would it mean

to be in your back pocket?

 

You said it once to me,

that you wanted to carry me

with you always,

that you wanted to put

me in your back pocket.

 

Today I wonder about

what my journey with you

would have been like

had I been kept as a talisman;

held close to you always.

Somehow I think I was.

You always held me close.

You prayed for me every day

throughout the day, you said,

because I needed

so much intervention.

 

I kept my guardian angels working

double shifts and over time

and you were one of the ones

who kept them fueled by prayer.

 

And in the midst of all that

warrioring for loved ones,

you provided a safe haven

for many – a place to confide,

to question and learn,

to be curious about the goodness,

the providence, the bigness of God.

 

Your imagination soared to share

what you knew of Him

who brings Life and Love and

Assurance of a Hereafter,

a place among your friends

and fellow followers, a place

with a view, a view of Him.

 

 And now, today, I find that

part of the meaning of a talisman

is to “Initiate into the Mysteries,”

which of course you did for me.

 

You helped me see how Big, Grand,

Glorious and Otherworldly

yet close to my own heart

mind, spirit, thoughts

and breath is This God you

introduced me and so many others

to – in Whose Presence you

now reside. If it’s all the same

to you, I will still claim as part

of my eternal home – a special

place in your back pocket!

 

In Jesus’ Name, Amen, Dear Lady!

 

 

© September 15, 2009

 

 

This is a photo of Carol Arensmeier - my Grandmother - with her Bible to her right, her "Jesus Never Fails" sign on the wall, and a photo of our side of the family on the wall right behind her! The Celebration of her life will be this weekend in Oregon!

"Strengthen Me with Raisins"

 

"Strengthen me with Raisins"

 

"Refresh me with apples,

for I am faint with love.”

 

Strengthen me for the long haul

because today I feel it

and I know there have been

days when I didn’t.

 

There will be days again.

There will be moments

of exasperation

exhaustion

confusion

and blame

amid the moments

of wonder, amazement,

witty banter,

repartee

between equals.

 

By some great miracle

we survived a time

when we both wanted out.

We simply couldn’t walk away

from what we’d built

together – what we

are combined – the sum

greater

than two parts alone.

 

We waded through 18 months

of not getting it,

of being on different waves

and different courses – of crossing

paths eleventy-seven times

a day and just not ever

finding a way to connect,

both lost and misunderstood.

 

Valentine’s Day came and

you cooked for me, you helped me

put the kids to bed,

you participated.

I felt a tiny glimmer

of hope flick on

in the back of my heart,

I quick blew it out,

and shoved it behind a door,

didn’t want to hurt even more,

thinking things were back to good.

 

Then you started telling

me our story – the story of

how we met, and what you thought,

and how terrified you were

and how speechless

and how you pursued me anyway

and how you finally found me again.

And how we became friends,

and how you think

I’m beautiful

and then you were sitting

with me with your arms

around me as I cried,

telling me you knew

You Knew

how close we were

to capsizing,

how out and off we were,

how tired and lonely

I’d become

and all you ever wanted

was to see me smile

and know you were somehow

behind it,

behind that joy or that glow.

 

That loving me every day

for the rest of our lives

was all you wanted from life.

 

You swooped me sideways

all over again,

clumsy me,

I’ve tripped and fallen

for every word you said

and you just keep picking me up

and brushing away tears

and holding on tight to our dreams.

 

Strengthen me so I can stay

hopeful and sure,

smiling back through

ups and downs,

let me always be

a little faint with love.

 

 

*The title and first line of the poem are actually a verse from Song of Solomon 2:5. This was the title poem from last year's Rogue Festival Poetry Show!

Love Note

A sticky on my wall says, "Every other beat of my heart is my wife's!" It was something my husband said to a customer who knew me from Women's Chamber. She was asking if he "got" how special I am - because apparently she thought I was pretty special. And that was his response. He had to call to tell me - because he knows I need to hear things like this from time to time, being a poet and wildly emotional and all. Sometimes, he just says something that sweeps me off my feet all over again - because he knows how, because he can, and because I fall for it every time.

I'm cleaning my office - and taking down all sorts of stickies off my wall. I wanted a special place to save this one. This one is for posterity. This one needs to be kept where I can see it!

So, forget it - I'm not taking it down!

Photo of my husband waiting at the back of the room to bring me flowers on Opening Night at my poetry show in February 2009!

Reminders to Live

This is Tuesday's GREAT START - for the Fresno County Women's Chamber of Commerce, Member Meeting. I'm so honored to be able to start each month's meeting with a poem - and end each meeting with a soft word!

 

Reminders to Live

By Liesl Garner, Written specifically for FCWCC Guest Speaker, Armen Bacon, writer of the Radio Series called “Live, Laugh & Love” on KJewel in Fresno, CA

 

I love the reminders we get

To live simply

To laugh with a full heart

To love with wide open arms.

 

I have signs telling me to slow down,

to live, laugh and love

emblazoned upon my walls.

 

My children are constant reminders

of life that is lived fully

while swinging wildly from atop

Monkey Bars and singing

the neighborhood awake.

 

And yet, there are still those days

when my bad hair is all that

preoccupies my mind. I stand in line

at the bank thinking mean thoughts

at the woman ahead of me with perfectly

– I mean Per-Fect-Ly beautiful hair.

I make all these excuses to myself

about how busy I am being a mom

and running a business, being involved

in my community. The list goes on and

on and yet, I still begrudge her the

amazing amounts of free time she must

have to make her hair so gorgeous.

 

I even make a snide comment to someone

else in line, and catch myself, and

realize how horrible I am. I decide to be

really big, and just give the woman

a flat-out compliment when I notice her

walking right in front of me in the parking lot.

 

I mention her divine hair – and she turns

to me and says, “It’s not my hair. I have

Cancer. This is a wig.” And I don’t have words

to express my sorrow at begrudging her

any amount of time to primp and feel beautiful.

 

My hair is not perfect, I do not have copious

amounts of free time for glamour. I have Time.

I have the time I have right now with my husband,

my children and my friends. And I could not

be more grateful to have the ability to live

and laugh and love without counting grains

of sand in an hourglass, the moments remaining.

 

I am grateful for the reminders we get

To live fully the life we’ve been given.

GREAT END

Thank you Women’s Chamber – Thank you Armen Bacon - let’s all say it together now “Live, Laugh and Love!”

Fortunate to Hold

I have a few favorite writers, and I think it would be a shame not to speak their names here! Anne Lamott, Billy Collins, Patti Digh, Cheryl Thurston - these people inspire me to be myself, to be honest, to be transparent, to be real. I see myself in their writing, and sometimes they are very much in my head. And the other thing is that they are all very well-known, and well, famous. So of course, I'd love to be best friends with each of them. However, this morning as I was musing about that - I realized that the artist who means the most to me is my little five-year old son. This is for him.

Fortunate to Hold

By Liesl Garner

 

I have been fortunate in my life to find writers, who speak my heart,

who say brilliantly what has been tossing around in my

spirit for days, weeks, or months, without the proper words

with which to associate. When someone else has the sense

to spell out my confusions or my quests, my struggles, denials,

mountain-tops or pitfalls, I become instantly enamored, believe

we share a mind or at least have had a multitude of similar

experiences – enough to keep each other up late at night

should we ever meet – and should they ever realize that we are

Soul Mates – of a writing variety.

 

School is starting. My son is starting Kindergarten.

 

My child is now part of the school system – and I hope we

will navigate it with some aplomb.

 

I want to be the one who understands him and advocates for him.

I remember feeling misunderstood or marginalized in school,

like my needs weren’t met, my concerns weren’t important to

anyone – and I don’t want my son to ever feel that way. I want to slow

myself down enough to really hear him, to hear what he’s saying

and also what he’s not saying, what he’s hoping I’ll just get

because he needs me to. He’s a little artist – so his spirit gets

perplexed easily, his outlook can become dark instantly

when what he wants to convey isn’t understood.

 

 I Get That.

 

I can have an artist’s dreaminess, hopefulness, insatiable optimism

that can turn into the darkest despair in a heartbeat. My son comes

by these rollercoaster emotions quite naturally, and I want to be there

for the highs - the laughter, the excitement; and the lows - the loneliness,

the No-One-Gets-Me moments. Because I’m his Mom, I’m his fellow

Artist, I’m the one who shares a mind with him in some way,

and we are Soul Mates of an Artistic Variety – and we can keep

each other up all night with shared musings. Of all the artists

in the world I’ve ever wanted to meet – he’s the one I’ve been

fortunate to hold and I hope I never lose my wonder over him,

my sense of delight over his creations, and the heart in him

that urges him daily to create.

 

I am fortunate to know an artist who breaks my heart with his brilliance.

 

© August 2009

 

How Ridiculously Cute is This?

Our new nanny has the kids doing ART today. She brings her own daughter - and my Little Bean gets to have someone to play with. Please note the Chalkboard in the background - with the Activities outlined. I saw that and just about cried. Here is a girl after my own heart!

Trying Something New

So - I'm trying something new in the kitchen. It's called COOKING! Normally my husband does all the cooking. There's a long story behind this involving some poor choices on my part - particularly with food coloring in some pasta sauce that turned everything a sickly shade of mauve... after that, he just stepped in and took over.

But as work really heats up - and he's running around like crazy doing estimates until late in the day, I am doing my part to help out. (I mean - other than running the office etc.) I joined two cooking websites last night - Epicurious.com and AllRecipes.com - and I'm sampling their recipes until I find some things that work.

What I love about Epicurious.com is that after you choose your menu items - you can click on the Shopping List - and it's already filled in for you! I had such a blast at the grocery store, checking things off my list on my iPhone! Really - is there anything this phone cannot do? It's the funnest new toy ever!

Tonight I made One-hour Shrimp Paella and I have photos to prove it. I couldn't find Saffron at my local store. Next time I make this recipe I will definitely go out of my way to find it. I think that would have definitely kicked the dish up a notch. But even without it, it was good. My family can't handle any kind of peppers except Jalapeno - and this recipe called for red peppers, which would have made it prettier. But here it is, and here is The Bean eating the olives off his fingers! Gotta love that!

The Pigeon Wants a Puppy!

I found this book at Target this morning - while shopping for essentials - and of course, I wandered into the kid book section, because I stray that way - - shopping for toilet paper and shower cleaner, and all I really want to do is play with my kids... so I found this book. It's too darned cute! 

Oh - and then I started getting all sappy over this one. I actually had tears in my eyes, it's so precious.

We love reading with the kiddies!

Digging to China in Spiderman Pajamas!

 

Just too adorable this morning - the kids are playing in their sand box in pajamas because it's going to be another scorcher - and as soon as they woke up, they wanted to play in the back yard. No time for changing into play clothes. Besides, we were shopping early for school clothes yesterday - to beat the rush, and Benjamin got one new pair of jammies, which he got to wear last night, and which he does not want to ever remove.

We'll see how long that lasts!

Peach, Be Still

The other night, I had a moment - one of those revelations that seems at the time to be life-changing, earth-shattering, that seems like such a brilliant twist on how to make sense of the world a little bit better.

As a mom, I am often frazzled by children who do their own thing - wander around with big plans in their heads of things they want to do, and simply do not hear me, or choose to ignore me when I'm talking to them. I'll give some instruction, explain some task that needs to be accomplished and they just continue doing what they're doing. I used to tune my mom out, so I understand what they're doing. I just don't know if they're doing it on purpose or if they are so caught up in what they're doing that they really, honest-to-goodness don't hear me.

Sometimes I'll raise my voice. Sometimes I'll raise it in a panicked sort of way and get all screechy for a second, or barrel-voiced, or frantic to be obeyed in that moment. I want a response, dang it. So I turn into a Drill Sergeant and go all military berserk on my kids to get them motivated to listen to me. Doesn't sound very nice as I sit here writing about it. Sounds like a crazy mom. Sometimes I feel like a crazy mom.

So - my big revelation is this.

I am not raising a platoon of children that will soon go into battle and need to be able to obey me this second because their lives are in danger if they make a wrong move. I think that used to be a widely used parenting model - the basic training for life, and I'm your drill sergeant, and you will obey me without question, obedience is the key, obedience is all that matters, you will obey even if I'm not making any sense just to prove that you CAN and WILL obey. I don't know. I think there are still some people who are more interested in blind obedience than any other developing part of a child.

Some of that thinking clings to me, that dictatorial leadership style. I'm not sure where it comes from, because my dad and mom are pretty laid back. They believe in strict obedience, but not to the degree that I just described. And maybe that's the problem. They may have been reasonable about teaching obedience, but I came out of the equation with these crazy ideas. Perhaps the things we try to calmly teach our kids get amplified and crazified and come across to them as CRAZY TO THE NTH DEGREE. Perhaps we can never over-calm things. 

My little sister is a calm mom. She's a great mom. She has so much fun with her kids. And her kids are well behaved and polite. When I will describe a situation I've had with one of my kids, and the share the words I used - she always says to keep it simpler. THREE WORDS, she says. A five-year old or a 20-month old doesn't need a big, long explanation. After three words they start tuning me out anyway.

All day yesterday, I kept finding myself pausing. I'd be ready to tell them NO about something (and truth be told, feel on the verge of screeching a little), and I'd pause, and I'd wonder if that particular thing they're doing is such a big deal. I realized that I put a lot of restraints on them that are completely unnecessary. I tell them NO when they're just being annoying - not when they're doing something that could be harmful. And little kids are annoying sometimes, so I can learn to filter out some of the repetitive stuff, and not stress out, just let them BE. We had such a calm day. I wasn't rattled over anything, and they were having a good time being kids. There were no life-threatening situations that came up that made me have to freak out at them to make them listen to me.

I'm thinking, if I can stay calm more often - then if something is really a danger, and if I raise my voice ONLY THEN - - Lord willing, they'll pay attention because it's so out of character for me to raise my voice!

That sounds like such an easy answer. I've been spending all this time trying to get them to blindly obey and DO it NOW - that I've turned into a crazy mom and all along my kids knew that what I was freaking out about wasn't that big a deal anyway. I forget that kids are so much smarter than we give them credit.

So here I am ready for my day - holding onto three little words for myself - my own little mantra of calm: Crazy No More... no that's not positive enough... Live Love Laugh... that's so "Target Decorates My House"... just bowed my head for a second and asked in a quiet voice, how God would have me do this - to be a better mom, and my spirit heard... Peace, Be Still... Ahhhhh. Nice!

Little by little, my children are teaching me to be a better mom, as I watch and observe and stay open to learning from our various situations. I wish I knew better from the outset, but that's just not the script I got. Figuring it out as we go is, I think, more common. So here we go - Peace, Be Still... althought I just accidentally wrote, Peach, Be Still - and I'm wondering if that isn't a slightly better motto - cause it's a little nuttier, which seems to fit us!